Monday, February 28, 2011

Lawyers And Engineers - LOL !

 Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket while the three engineers buy only one ticket.
“How can the three of you travel on one ticket?” asks a lawyer.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective seats while all three engineers cram into the restroom and squeeze the door closed behind them.
When the conductor comes around collecting tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers are impressed with this clever idea. One the way home from the conference, they decide to copy the engineers’ technique. At the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all!

“How in the hell are you going to pull this off?” asks a lawyer.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.
They board the train. The three lawyers cram into one restroom and the three engineers cram into the other restroom.
Shortly after the train departs, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and knocks on the other restroom door. “Ticket, please!”

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Women Vs Men - Very Funny =D

Women Friends chatting in office.

Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?

Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: How was your evening?

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn’t paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn’t have money left for a cab.

We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn’t fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

A Very Touching Story

This is a true and touching story of love and perseverance.
I am a former elementary school music teacher from DesMoines , Iowa .

I have always supplemented my income by teaching pianolessons – something I have
done for over 30 years.

During those years I found that children have many levels of musicalability, and
even though I have never had the pleasure of having aprodigy, I have taught some
very talented students.

However, I have also had my share of what I call ‘musically challenged’ pupils -
one such pupil being Robby..

Robby was 11 years old when his mother (a single mom) dropped him off for his
first piano lesson. I prefer that students (especially boys)begin at an earlier
age, which I explained to Robby. But Robby said thatit had always been his
mother’s  dream to hear him play the piano, so Itook him as a student.
Well, Robby began his piano lessons and from the beginning I thought itwas a
hopeless endeavor. As much as Robby tried, he lacked the sense oftone and basic
rhythm needed to excel.  But he dutifully reviewed hisscales and some elementary
piano pieces that I require all my students to learn. Over the months he tried
and tried while I listened andcringed and tried to encourage him.
At the end of each weekly lesson he would always say ‘My mom’s going to hear me
play someday’.  But to me,it seemed hopeless, he just did not have any
inborn ability.

I only knew his mother from a distance as she dropped Robby off orwaited in her
aged car to pick him up. She always waved and smiled, butnever dropped in.
Then one day Robby stopped coming for his lessons. I thought about calling him,
but assumed that because of his lack of ability he haddecided to pursue something else. I was also glad that he had stopped coming – he was a bad advertisement for my teaching!

Several weeks later I mailed a flyer recital to the students’ homes. To my
surprise, Robby (who had received a flyer) asked me if he could be in the
recital. I told him that the recital was for current pupils and that because he
had dropped out, he really did not qualify.

He told me that his mother had been sick and unable to take him to his piano
lessons, but that he had been practicing. ‘Please Miss Honor, I’ve just got
to play’ he insisted. I don’t know what led me to allow him to play in the recital
- perhaps it was his insistence or maybe something inside of mesaying that it
would be all right.

The night of the recital came and the high school  gymnasium was packed with
parents, relatives and friends. I put Robby last in the program,just before I
was to come up and thank all the students and play a
finishing piece. I thought that any damage he might do would come at the end of
the program and I could always salvage his poor performance through my ‘curtain

Well, the recital went off without a hitch, the students had been practicing and
it showed. Then Robby came up on the stage. His clotheswere wrinkled and his
hair looked as though he had run an egg beaterthrough it.  ’Why wasn’t he
dressed up like the other students?’  I thought. ‘Why didn’t his mother at least
make him comb his hair for this special night?’

Robby pulled out the piano bench, and I was surprisedwhen he announced that he
had chosen to play Mozart’s Concerto No.21 in C Major. I was not prepared for
what I heard next. His fingerswere light on the keys, they even danced nimbly on
the ivories. He wentfrom pianissimo to fortissimo, from allegro to virtuoso; his
suspended chords that Mozart demands were magnificent!

Never had I heard Mozart played so well by anyone his age.
After six and a half minutes he ended in a grand crescendo, and everyone was on
their feet in wild applause!  Overcome and in tears, I ran up on-stage and put my
arms around Robby in joy.  ’I have never heard you playlike that Robby, how did
you do it?

Through the microphone Robby explained: ‘Well, Miss Honor …. remember I told
you that my mom was sick? Well, she actually had cancer and passed away this
morning. Andwell …… she was born deaf, so tonight was the first time she
had ever heard me play, and I wanted to make it special.’

There wasn’t a dry eye in the house that evening. As the people from Social
Services led Robby from the stage to be placed in to foster care,I noticed that
even their eyes were red and puffy. I thought to myself then how much richer my
life had been for taking Robby as my pupil.

No,I have never had a prodigy, but that night I became a prodigy …….
of Robby.  He was the teacher and I was the pupil, for he had taught me
the meaning of perseverance and love and believing in yourself, and may be even
taking a chance on someone and you didn’t know why.

Robby was killed years later in the senseless bombing of the Alfred P.Murray
Federal Building in Oklahoma City in April, 1995.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Failure is the stepping stone to Success!! A Must Share !

Officials rejected a candidate for a news broadcasters post
since his voice was not fit for a news broadcaster.

He was also told that with his obnoxiously long name,
he would never be famous. He is
Amitabh Bachchan.

———— ——— ——— ——— —-
In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition
for the executives of the Decca Recording Company.
The executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians,
one executive said, “We don’t like their sound. Groups of guitars are
on the way out.”
The group was called
The Beatles.

———— ——— ——— ——— —–
In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modeling Agency
told modeling hopeful Norma Jean Baker,
“You’d better learn secretarial work or else get married”.
She went on and became
Marilyn Monroe.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——-
In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry,
fired a singer after one performance. He told him,
“You ain’t goin’ nowhere son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck”.
He went on to become
Elvis Presley.

– – ———— ——— ——— ——— —–
A small boy–the fifth amongst seven siblings of a poor father,
was selling newspapers in a small village to earn his living.
He was not exceptionally smart at school but was
fascinated by
religion and rockets.
The first rocket he built crashed. A missile that he built crashed
multiple times
and he was made a butt of ridicule.
He is the person to have scripted the Space
Odyssey of India
single-handedly. He is
Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam. President of India.

———— ——— ——— ——— —-
Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876,
it did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers.
After making a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said,
“That’s an amazing invention, but who would ever want to see one of them?”

———— ——— ——— ——— —-
Thomas Edison invented the light bulb,
he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work.
A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times.
He said, “I never failed once. I invented the light bulb.
It just happened to be a 2000-step process”.

———— ——— ——— ——— —-
In the 1940s, another young inventor named
Chester Carlson

took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest in
the country.
They all turned him down. In 1947, after 7 long years of rejections,
he finally got a tiny company in Rochester, NY, the Haloid Company,
to purchase the rights to his invention–an electrostatic
paper-copying process.
Haloid became
Xerox Corporation.

———— ——— ——— ——— —
A little girl–the 20th of 22 children,
was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old,
she contracted double pneumonia and scarlet fever,
which left her with aparalyzed left leg.
At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on
and began to
walk without it. By 13 she had developed a rhythmic walk,
which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner.
She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every
race she entered,
she came in last.
Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running. One day she
actually won a race.
And then another. From then on she won every race she entered.
Eventually this little girl–
Wilma Rudolph, went on to win three Olympic gold medals.

———— ——— ——— ——— -
A schoolteacher scolded a boy for not paying attention to
his mathematics
and for not being able to solve simple problems.
She told him that you would not become anybody in life.
The boy was
Albert Einstein

“To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did”

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Most expensive natural disasters

Most expensive natural disasters

Natural disasters, such as earthquakes, hurricanes and floods are vastly expensive, in economic terms and more importantly, in terms of casualties and fatalities. The early years of the 21st century have seen some of the most expensive natural disasters of all-time.

2011 Australian Floods

Extensive flooding in Australia, which began in December 2010, has resulted in 25 deaths, with numerous others reported missing. Wayne Swan, the Australian Deputy Prime Minister told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, on January 17th, "It looks like this is possibly going to be, in economic terms, the largest natural disaster in our history." He added that reconstruction in flooded regions "will involve billions of dollars of Commonwealth money and also state government money and will likely take years."

2010 Haiti Earthquake

An earthquake measuring 7.0 on the moment magnitude scale occurred in Haiti on 12th January 2010, the worst in the area for over 2 centuries. Casualty figures are uncertain, with the Haitian government estimating 230,000 deaths and 300,000 injuries. However, Radio Netherlands Worldwide reported a maximum death toll of 92,000. With many thousands of homes and commercial premises damaged or destroyed, the Inter-American Development Bank estimated reconstruction costs at $14 billion.

2010 Chile Earthquake

On February 27th 2010, an earthquake of magnitude 8.8 occurred off the Chilean coast. Along with widespread devastation in Chile, the quake triggered a tsunami, causing further damage. Initial reports suggested over 700 deaths, later revised to 486. Several sources report reconstruction costs of $4- $7 billion.

2005 USA Hurricane Katrina

In August 2005, Hurricane Katrina crossed southern Florida, resulting in several deaths. It intensified quickly in the Gulf of Mexico, before striking Louisiana on 29th August. It resulted in severe storm surge damage along the Gulf Coast, with inland flooding in 8 states. Estimated costs of approximately $125 billion made this the most expensive natural disaster in US history, with an approximate death toll of 1833.

2004 Indian Ocean Earthquake and Tsunami

On 26th December 2004, the earthquake rated at 9.3 was the 3rd strongest recorded, with the longest duration of 10 minutes. The whole planet vibrated by 0.4" and other 'quakes were triggered as far away as the USA. Coupled with destructive tsunamis in the Indian Ocean, the earthquake killed approximately ¼ million people in 15 countries.

With more and more disasters and earthquakes happening I would ensure you have the correct cover for your home and your belongings

Garry Hudson writes about all things financial and debt related and currently works for Baines and Ernst

Tips For Learner Drivers

Learning to drive might be something that comes naturally to some but for other people it is something that can be very challenging and nerve racking too. For those of you that are worried about making the step forward at learning to drive here are just a few tips for you.

Don’t Be Ripped Off

There are hundreds of “driving schools” out there to choose from and although you want to pick a good one you do not want to pick one that is too expensive. Never go for the first choice when it comes to driving and you should always be doing research on each and every company to see what their success rates compared to prices they charge are. When looking for the best company I would always look to see if they can provide you with some legitimate testimonials from some of their previous students.

Take It Slow

The key thing to remember is that you are not going to pass the test overnight and it is something that is going to take plenty of time. You will not be doing much for your first couple of lessons so don’t get disheartened at an early stage, it would be a big mistake. Although you will take it slow to begin with as your lessons progress you will find yourself in trickier and more interesting situations.

Don’t Panic

Panicking only leads to one thing, failure. If you are really worried about pulling out to a busy junction then don’t do it and explain to your instructor that you need help as that is what they are there for! There is also no point in worrying about crashing or speeding or anything like this and this is because your instructor will have controls their side and they can take over if you panic and do something wrong!

Onto The Test

Once you have gotten past all of the previous steps and you are at the stage where your instructor feels you are read y to take the test then just go for it! When you are taking the test the key thing is to emphasise everything you are doing even if it makes you look a bit stupid. For example when you are adjusting your mirror make sure you lean forward and really go for it as it shows the moderator that you know what you are doing.

When you are parking you also need to know that you are not timed and as long as you are looking at what is going on in the road around you then take your time!

These are just a few tips on learning to drive and passing the test, the next step is buying your first car!

Ryan is an internet markter working for a company dealing with <a href="">contract hire</a> and you can find him on Twitter @ <a href="!/ryanogs">ryanogs</a>.


Ryan is an internet markter working for a company dealing with <a href="">contract hire</a> and you can find him on Twitter @ <a href="!/ryanogs">ryanogs</a>.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Conversation in the Toilet

This could happen to you.
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other toilet saying:
‘Hi, how are you?’

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
‘Doin’ just fine!’
And the other person says:
‘So what are you up to?’
What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
‘Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!’
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
‘Can I come over?’
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him
‘No..I’m a little busy right now!!!’
Then I hear the person say nervously…
‘Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other toilet who keeps answering all my questions.’
Mobile phones, don’t you just love them!
Moral of the story: Don’t use mobiles in toilet.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Haha ! You'll love this !

You guys are simply going to love it with what this dude does with the bad guys !

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Salary Increment Letter

An employee sends a letter to his boss requesting for an increase in his salary in the following way

Dear Bo$$,

In thi$ life, we all need $omething mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company. I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely, 

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear Employee,

I kNOw you have been working very hard.NOw a days,NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet. NOw the newspapers are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if we may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.


Monday, February 7, 2011

Funny Story with Amazing Morals

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Hosni Mubarak, Tony Blair and George Bush- Mind Blowing technology ! Funny

The Egyptian President, Hosni Mubarak, the British Prime Minister, Tony Blair and the American President, George Bush, were having a meeting.
George Bush was seen touching his ear and murmuring frequently.

“What are you doing?” the other 2 leaders asked him.
“Nothing. This is just a new technology from my country which allows me to communicate with my advisors back home,” replied George.
Then, Tony was seen touching his throat and murmuring frequently.
“What are you doing?” the other 2 leaders asked him.
“Nothing. This is just a new technology from my country which allows me to talk to my relatives back home,” replied Tony.
Hosni was embarrassed. Everyone had his own technology except him. There is no new technology in his country. He had to do something.
Hosni Mubarak suddenly takes an important document , puts it in his mouth and swallowed it immediately.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!!” the other 2 leaders were shocked.
“Nothing. Just sending a fax to Egypt.”

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Old Rich Man - LOL !

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing that apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I continued this system of polishing and selling, each time reinvesting my profits into buying more apples.”
“Wow!” said the young man, “and that’s how you accumulated your fortune?”
“Nah”, said the old man, “my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”